<PROLOGUE> This nonsense is copyright 1994 by The Hamnet Players. [1]* SCENE 1: A blasted heath + 2 blasted witches w/ shopping carts. [5]============------{{{{{{{{{ CURTAIN UP }}}}}}}}-------------======== <Set> ' ~ ~ <Set> \ ~~~ <Set> ````\ ----- \''' <Set> - - - \ <Set> ~` / <Set> ~ / <Set> ~ \ <Set> ~----- ~ | <Set> ~ O \ <Set> \ . \ <Set> tree bent over by the merciless wind--> \ o \ <Set> \ . o <Set> --------------------------------------------\ .. \-------------------- <Set> . \ . O . <Set> . (blasted heath) . \ \ . <Set> . . . \ O \ . <Set> . \ \ . <Set> . . \ \ <Set> \. \ . <Set> (cute, huh??) . \ . \ <Set> . . <Set> [4]
* SCENE 2: Pcbeth's castle. [18]
* Lady_M swishes about in front of mirror, trying on royal costumes. [19]
<Lady_M> Me, a queen! I always knew I'd be a star. But that wimp Pcbeth --
he doesn't have the balls to do what he has to. [20]
* Enter Pcbeth. [21]
<Lady_M> re sugar buns, how was yr day? [22]
<Pcbeth> Bloody awful. Did u hear? We're having the king for dinner. [23]
<Lady_M> You bet we are, darling. Just leave it to me. [24]
* Enter King. [25]
<King> What a great pad you have here. [26]
<Lady_M> So glad you like it. I decorated it myself. [27]
<King> Marvelous view. Is that Birnam Wood? [28]
<Pcbeth> (aside) I can't do it. [29]
<Lady_M> Just listen to me, marshmallow. I'll get the guards smashed, then
you take care of the King. Screw up yr courage. [30]
<Pcbeth> (aside) That lady's got balls. [31]
* SCENE 3: Night in the castle. A hallway. [32]
* Enter Pcbeth. [33]
<Pcbeth> Is this a dagger that I see before me? Crikes this castle's spooky
at night! I don't want to do this but the old lady will never leave me alone
if I don't. [34]
* Exit Pcbeth, dagger in hand. [35]
* Enter Lady_M. [36]
<Lady_M> Phew! those guards reek of Scotch! [37]
* Enter Pcbeth. [38]
<Lady_M> Did you do it? Idiot! You were supposed to leave the daggers on the
guards. Give them to me and for god's sake go clean up! [39]
* Exit Lady_M. [40]
<Pcbeth> I'll never get to sleep after all this. Where's the prozac? [41]
* Lady_M returns. [42]
<Lady_M> Boy those boys are going to be surprised when they wake up. I
haven't had so much fun fingerpainting since kindergarten. C'mon poopsie,
let's go take a bath. [43]
* SCENE 4: The castle entryway. Early morning. [44]
*** Pcbeth is now known as PC. [45]
<MAC> Knock knock. [46]
<Porter> Who's there? [47]
<MAC> irc. [48]
<Porter> irc who? [49]
<MAC> irc u in my dreams, sweet'eart [50]
<Porter> Knock, knock. [51]
<MAC> Who's there? [52]
<Porter> / [53]
<MAC> /who [54]
<Porter> Channel Nickname S User@host (name) <Porter> #hamnet Hal H* henryIV@england.gov <Porter> #hamnet Romeo H rmontague@cs.verona.ac.it <Porter> #hamnet Caesar H* julius@senate.rome.gov< <Porter> #hamnet Othello A* moor@doge.venice.mil <Porter> #hamnet shrew H@ kate@padua.edu <Porter> #hamnet rkrantz H buddy@cam.ac.uk <Porter> #hamnet Hamlet A prince@castle.elsinore.dk <Porter> #hamnet Titania H@ queen@fairies.org <Porter> hehehe. [55]<MAC> Open the bloody door, you fool. [56]
* SCENE 5: Pcbeth's new palace. [77]
<Banquo> Well, PC's finally King like the bag ladies said. But I suspect
dirty tricks in the boardroom. A guy's gotta watch his back around here. [78]
* Enter PC & Lady_M. [79]
<Lady_M> Banquo, darling. You are coming to dinner tonight, aren't you? [80]
<Banquo> Who are you serving tonight? [81]
<Lady_M> He's such a comic, isn't he, sweetheart? (aside to PC) Are you
going to let him talk to me like that? [82]
<Banquo> I'm off to take the boy for a horseback ride before dinner. brb. [83]
<PC> (aside) Don't worry, dear. I've got a little accident planned for him. [84]
<Lady_M> Ta, have fun. (to PC) Pity. Nice buns he's got. [85]
* SCENE 6: Dinner party at the palace. [86]
<Set> *--------------------------* <Set> * / o \. * <Set> /| / /------/ | \------\ \ |\. <Set> / |_/ / ( )/ (_) ^ (_) \( ) \ \_| \. <Set> */ / /______/ _|_ _|_ \______\ \ \* <Set> * |__/ \__| * <Set> /| ||/ /-------/(_) O (_)\-------\ \|| |\. <Set> / |__ / / ----o / | | | \ o---- \ \__| \. <Set> */ / / ( ) / __|__ | __|__ \ ( ) \ \ \* <Set> * |___ / /_______/ ( ) \_______\ \___| * <Set> / || / (------------) \ || |\. <Set> / |___ / /--------/ ( * ^----^ * ) \--------\ \___| \. <Set> / / / -----O / (_) ( *( o o )* ) (_) \ O----- \ \ \. <Set> */ / / ( ) / | ( *( == )* ) | \ ( ) \ \ \* <Set> | / / ( ) / __|__ (____()____) __|__ \ ( ) \ \ | <Set> |___ / /________/ ^^ \________\ \___| <Set> || / (boar's head) \.|| <Set> ||*____________________________________________________________*|| <Set> || || |||||||| |||||||| || || <Set> \||||||/ \||||||/ <Set> \||||/ \||||/ <Set> <> <> <Set> [87]*** Banquo is now known as GhostBan [88]
* SCENE 7: Same blasted heath. Same blasted witches. [109]
<1witch> Eye of newt and toe of frog, wool of bat and tongue of dog... [110]
<2witch> Yech! Where'd you get this recipe? [111]
<1witch> Off the net. I ftp'd it from mthvax.cs.miami.edu of course. [112]
<2witch> Here comes that sucker PC again. Let's mess with his head. [113]
* Enter PC. [114]
<PC> re, hags. [115]
<1witch> *cackle* zup, PC? How's the kingdom? [116]
<PC> It's time to go head to head with Mac. His OS is really getting up my
nose. What're my chances in a takeover, ho? [117]
<2witch> Watch your back, beware of Mac. [118]
<1witch> The one you fear came out no rear. [119]
<2witch> The ircops shall never /SQUIT you til Birnam_Wood /JOINs #Dunsinane.
[120]
<PC> Whew, that's a relief! Still, think I'll bust a few heads just to keep
everybody on their toes. [121]
* SCENE 8: England. [122]
<Malcolm> re Mac. What you doing here in England? [123]
<MAC> PC's getting too powerful. What do you say to a merger? [124]
<Malcolm> Sure, long as I get controlling stock. I don't want to end up like
Ashton Tate. [125]
* Enter Ross [126]
<MAC> What news, Ross? [127]
<Ross> PC's running amok. He's broken into yr castle, killed yr wife and
smashed all yr computers. [128]
<MAC> What, all my pretty ones? My Kaypro, my Osborne, and little Peanut too?
[129]
<Malcolm> Convert your grief to anger. Let's go get the bastard. [130]
/DCC SEND CUE:hand.jpg
* SCENE 10: Outside palace. PC in armor. [143]
<PC> This'll be a cakewalk. Per the hags, I'm charmed. [144]
* Enter Doctor. [145]
<Doc> Hate to disturb you right before your finals but your lady's dead. [146]
<PC> Oh woe is me! [147]
<Doc> There's something else you ought to know. She wasn't what you thought.
You ever see The Crying Game? Or M. Butterfly? [148]
<PC> You mean she was a guy? No wonder we could never have kids! [149]
<Doc> By the way, there's a tree knocking on your gate. [150]
<PC> A tree? Oh no, it's Birnam Wood! [151]
* Enter Mac in tree costume. [152]
<MAC> Now you'll get yours, fiend! [153]
<PC> Sorry, but I have it from the witches that no one born of woman's, er,
you know, can harm me. [154]
<MAC> Hah! I was a C-section! [155]
<PC> Yikes! Tricked again! [156]
<MAC> One, two, one two, the vorpal blade goes snickersnack. [157]
* PC dies. [158]
* Enter Malcolm. [159]
<Malcolm> Yuck, what's that in your hand? [160]
<MAC> PC's CPU. He won't be needing this anymore. (tosses it to dogs) [161]
<Malcolm> Good work. Now let's go have dinner. Have I ever made you my
broccoli cheese soup, ducky? [162]
* Exit Mac & Malcolm, arms about each other. [163]
<StgMgr> ======={{{{{{{{ CURTAIN: THE END }}}}}}}===========
/DCC SEND CUE:scream.jpg
***THE HAMNET PLAYERS*** Artistic Director "El_Ingles" sirrah@cg57.esnet.com Playwright "minou" xkek73a@prodigy.com Stage Manager "aurra" aurra@netcom.com Manager, Systems & Bots "RokinDuck" muni@andromeda.rutgers.edu ASM "zarquon" paul.sweeney@brunel.ac.uk Set designer "zendar" jimvs@cg57.esnet.com Box office manager hehe don't we wish Usher
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